Sometimes I found myself too addicted to the Internet, I could spend hours and hours surfing people's Xangas and diaries and Soler's forum and stuff, it's like what Mrs. Yau once said, "you keep clicking and linking for hours but finally you've got nothing." How true is that but somehow, Internet does put me to think and reflect. Yea, sometimes it puts me to think in a way like, in the midst of reading some strangers' Xangas, I'm like, "what the heck are you doing here? Go read a book for pete's sake."

But sometimes, sometimes, Internet can be a place where I see different people and things and ways of life, and more, it's a place for reflecting on my own life.

And tonight, I feel a little, I dunno how to describe, perhaps a little down, or a little uneasy, or a little resign, or a little....well, perhaps more appropriate in Chinese, 無奈.

Anyway it's again mixed emotions and though it's been universal truth, tonight, I feel most strongly about changes.

Changes.

They're all around. Sometimes without you knowing it or without you wanting it, the world is spinning, any minute is a different minute. You may stand still, but time and tide, waits for no man.

Just when I'm wasting my time on the Internet, some of my long-lost friends are taking flights to the other sides of the world, Soler, according to some of the fans from the forum, are no longer the Soler they used to be and they dun like it, someone I know is quitting her life-long strongest passion, Alin and Kathy are joining the Hall-o which is notorious of being harsh and inhumane but maybe they're actually enjoying themselves.

Just an hour ago, my temporary university courses time-table turned into blank which scared my head off and now it's okay again.

And then suddenly, witnessing all these changes, I'm like, in the middle of nowhere.

I know I'm changing too, but what have I changed? What kind of changes have I initiated?

And suddenly, I want the world to stop and start all over again. This cannot be me. This cannot be Christy. I shouldn't be this clueless and naive and confused and aimless.

I should start all over again from kindergarten, I'll be smarter, I'll be slimmer, I'll be less moody.

But bang! Time to sober up. It's life, once it's started, it never stops.

And I know, what I have to do, is to tackle all the changes around then grow and learn from them.

But for one reason or another, I just feel so powerless.